Security Health Plan Cares (Summer 2007)
Problem solving
One of the many jobs of parenting includes teaching your children how to make good, healthy choices. Including your children in decision-making and problem-solving activities builds their self-esteem, confidence and self-discipline. When your child has a problem, he or she will often feel better just knowing you understand how he or she feels. At other times though, they may need a plan or solution. Open communication is very important to a healthy parent-child relationship. Through healthy communication with their parents, children can learn to think for themselves and make wise choices.
The following are problem-solving techniques that have been successful for parents and their children:
- Be a good role model. How you act and what you say as a parent will have a great influence on how your child makes decisions and solves problems.
- Listen attentively as your child talks to you. Ask your child how he or she feels about the problem. Focus on feelings and perceptions, not facts. Facts help you figure it out; clarifying feelings helps them figure it out.
- Clarify the problem. Use statements like "So the problem is ________ " or "Are you feeling ________ ?" or "What do you think you can do about it?"
- Discuss possible results for each idea. Ask, "What would happen if you did ________ ?" This helps teach your child to think about the consequences of his or her actions and options.
- Help your child choose a solution. Ask, "So what do you think is the best choice?"
- Get a commitment. Ask, "What will you do?" and "When will you do it?"
- Follow up. Ask, "How did things go?"
Generally, people solve problems in one of two ways. If your child is one who tends to feel overwhelmed with the emotions of a situation, he or she may need you to help them sort through their feelings so they can arrive at a solution. It is important that you listen for as long as your child needs you to. On the other hand, if your child likes to skip over the feelings and get to the solution, discuss feelings long enough to make sure they're not avoided, and then start brainstorming for solutions.
For more information on family problem solving, visit:
